I’ve been having a rough time lately. I’ve spent more time in hospitals, doctor’s offices and clinics than at home. I haven’t gotten much work done which is a major bummer.  So because I’m stressed and in a down mood I thought I’d post some writing jokes today in case anyone else is having a bad mood.   Caution, these jokes may make you groan. J

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"

"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published."

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

How many publishers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw it in. Two to hold down the author.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many screenwriters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why does it *have* to be changed?

How many cover blurb writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A VAST AND TEEMING HORDE STRETCHING FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA!!!!

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She answered, "If I tell you, it will defeat the purpose."

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And lastly.

You know it's time to turn off the computer when ...

1) You forgot how to work the TV remote control.

2) You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL!"

3) You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL.

4) You sign off and your screen says you were on for 6 days and 45 minutes.

5) You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.

6) You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.

7) Tech support calls YOU for help.

8) You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out".

9) You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.

10) You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.

11) You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.

12) You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.

13) You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep.

14) You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.

15) You look at an annoying person off-line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.

16) You sit on AOL for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.

17) You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

18) .....You end your sentences with..... three or more periods.......

19) You've gone to an unstaffed AOL room to give tech support.

20) You're on the phone and say BRB.

I warned you that you might groan. :)
Have a great weekend everyone!