I think one of the things we need to dispel is the myth that only deviants and perverts write sex in erotica. Only those who are the most depraved of souls, who have run trains on numerous genders, done a myriad of drugs and had a lot more experiences than the usual "normal" person will ever have in a lifetime.
In short, I think there is an expectation that an erotica writer should fit a certain image. We should at the very least be extremely hot and open about our sexuality. I mean, if we write about orgies and wild chandelier sex, shouldn't we at least fit the stereotype?
I can't speak for my cohorts but I have never touched drugs. My pleasures are alcohol and cigars/pipes. And while I have a varied career sexually, I'm pretty much closer to normal than you might think. Yes, I play with whips and other fun toys but due to numerous factors, I'm pretty much average.
I do own women's lingerie but it currently is in the wash. I think I spilled bourbon, not soft red wine(though I'm a wine snob at heart) on my chemise the other day. So while I'm listening to Slipknot, not Sade as I write a post and I'm thrashing along as I write, you can now imagine a different image of the erotic writer.
I'm not alone. As I dig into the depths of erotic romance, I find many of my peers are listening to the latest in metal or music that's not entirely something one might think of as inspirational to sex. While there is a certain eroticism to Slipknot (particularly if you're into violence) that isn't quite what most people would find themselves listening to while trying to get in the mood, let alone write the mood, reading one of my books. Laurel K. Hamilton writes to a lot of brutal metal. (Her tweets mention this a lot.) One of my authors writes to Fear Factory.
Now on the actual sex aspect. Most of the people I know who have been doing this for years have had their share of experiences and I'll leave them to tell you (or don't) as they see fit. But unlike the above mentioned scenario of bacchanal carnality, is just that. A scenario that probably had some basis in truth at one point but now is just used to fuel hate group nonsense and demonize those of us who write about the most basic of human needs.
That's right, I said it. Sex is a basic human need. It's comfort, whether it's long term or a quick fix. It's compassionate, it's angry. It's loving, it's violent, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's seductive and yes, it's addictive. Every emotion the human mind and heart can feel can be expressed through sex.
So why demonize us for writing about the nature of man? Erotica writers are just like anyone else.
We simply are. The difference is that we oftentimes know more about sex than the average human and when it's had, well it is what it is depending on how twisted we feel. Or how much energy we have. After all, we're still writers first. (Most of us.)
I'll Submit to You, Master - Can Mistress Jackie realize her true nature as a submissive at the hands of Master Collin? Out now at Amazon
I Want to Serve You, Master - Mistress Jackie learns more about the true nature of her gift but at what cost? Out now from Sizzler Editions