Good morning everyone! This morning, while lying in bed in that luxurious liminal time when the mind has not fully taken over yet, I had a mini-epiphany. I so rarely spend time in that space, because of a full time work schedule, which makes morning wake-ups regimented, and weekends busy with chores of house and home. Yesterday, I spent a good part of the day at a baby shower and the idea of birth and renewal have been in my mind a lot, mirrored of course by birdsongs and green shoots. This Spring, I am in the midst of making some very big changes in my life, on many levels. One of them, involves my soul child, a quarterly publication aptly named: Psyche's Journey Opening to the Mystery.
In economic times like these, flexibility is necessary to keep a project like this alive. Intellectually I know I must be willing to flow and change with the times. I must allow myself to be open to the mystery! Ironic isn't it? I have been stubborn and angry about the decisions I need to make, because it means giving up my baby, as originally conceived. But all babies grow and change, and you cannot keep a baby in the same form it was born in. Somehow my resistance to change, my anger, my fanciful wish to keep things status quo, has kept me from giving myself the time I need to concentrate and investigate what might become of Psyche's Journey. This avoidance also keeps me from seeing (and feeling hopeful again) what my baby might become! My little insight this morning was that I need to allow myself the time to open my eyes and really look at the possibilities. In that netherworld I realized that my resistance was really to an old pressure to accommodate to outside forces, and yes, THAT makes me angry! Perhaps remembering that I have my own standpoint, will allow me to open up and consider all that is necessary for a satisfying resolution.
When all the creative work for my very first issue of Psyche's Journey was finally ready to be put into a tangible form (3 years ago) my graphic designer and I worked solidly for a good month to make sure the look and feel of the first issue was just right. When it went to print, I went through probably 6 or 7 attempts with the printer to get the colors to match my vision. It was a very long process, and somewhere towards the end, my graphic designer and I had a good laugh when I told her my daughter had to be taken by C-section after being a week overdue! That was 16 and a half years ago, but I think I might still have a little issue with holding on too long! This baby needs to be born, both my MD and Graphic Designer tell me! The paradox is that I need to make space to hold to my own values and vision, AND take in all the necessary nourishment that will allow for a full gestation and successful birth. Of course I would do that for a real baby, so why not my soul child too?
How do you hold true to yourself without caving in to outside pressures?
Have you had to change your creative projects to meet the changing times? I would love to hear your thoughts! My eyes and ears are open! Thanks!
To see my soul child in her current state: www.psychesjourney.org New PJ blog coming soon too!
Hi Dorica, sounds as if you're doing a lot of soul searching to determine what course you want to take with your baby. One problem we all have is dealing with change and it appears you're willing to make changes which gives you a steo up on most people.
ReplyDeleteWhile I can't pretend to fully understand your vision it seems to me having the nerve to make changes while still in it's infancy proves that all is in a constant flux of change.
Good luck to you as you continue to search for the answers you seek.
Writing it is such a huge part of me it is inconceivable that I can't do it. I work two jobs, plus run a home (like all of us) have family drama's and more, yet my mind always goes forward to the next book, the next blog, the next whatever I have to write. Writing idea's are not given to us randomly, they are set in our psyche for a reason. Too much of a conundrum to explain in such a small writing box lol but they are gifts to be encouraged and explored. We are like intrepid explorers who will traverse hazardous limits to get to where we need to be. To write that book, journal or thesis paper. Authors are pioneers and I, as one, salute you all.
ReplyDeleteDorcia,
ReplyDeleteYour work does seem to be a reflection of your true self, and that is so wonderful and joyous!
For me, with the increasing financial pressures this year, writing had to take a back seat. But even with three jobs, every free moment I have , I use for my writing. Sometimes that means passing up on outings or gatherings with friends, but the sacrifice is worth it. If we do not believe in our own work, no one else will.
Thank you to all of you who took the time to respond! Warms my little heart! I am so moved by the support of people I don't even know - Thank you! I'm sure in many ways, we are all, as artists in various models of the same boat. I agree we are pioneers and that requires courage and perseverance!
ReplyDeleteI am giving myself some time to rethink my vision, and I will be diligent about remaining open so that new ideas can flow. I've been angry about having to change, but I realize the anger is old anger and not even related to this situation, so that makes it easier to consider changes in a cleaner, clearer manner.
I do want to stay true to myself, while I make necessary changes and that is the most important thing! Love to all you pioneers! Be back tomorrow...